Educating children to know how to protect and teach a child always starts when they are young – the age when many parents “ignore” by thinking, “Children don’t know anything to teach.”
In February 2024 alone, the press published more than 5 cases related to children losing contact, going missing or being sexually abused by groups of people. It is worth mentioning that most cases of “actively disappearing” by cutting off contact with their families and following boyfriends they met through social networks. In particular, there was a case where a female student under the age of 16 agreed to sleep overnight with her new boyfriend at a cafe.
Accordingly, on February 12, Krong Pak District Police, Dak Lak Province temporarily detained 5 subjects aged 14-24, including one who was just a junior high school student, to investigate rape. people under 16 years old.
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| Photo for illustration purposes only – Shutterstock |
The victim is a 12 year old girl. This group approached and started a conversation when they saw the girl go to a refreshment shop in Krong Buk commune to drink water. After successfully getting to know each other, the subjects invited the girl to their friend’s house to eat, drink and sleep over. Taking advantage of the girl’s gullibility, and at the same time late at night, the group of teenagers took turns having sex with the girl and was discovered by her family and reported to the police.
Hanoi City Police have also posted many notices looking for young women who have lost contact with their families, with portrait photos, after many days of family searching. After the information was posted, the families were able to contact their children, mainly because they went out with their new boyfriend on social networks.
Most recently, on Saturday morning, February 24, female student L. (in grade 10, living in Ia To commune, Ia Grai district, Gia Lai province) rode a motorbike to school and then lost contact with her family. The family suspected that the child was going with a male student at the same school. After that, the case was reported to the authorities, and on February 25, the family found the female student. On February 26, Ia Grai district police also decided to temporarily criminally detain a young man (20 years old, residing in Ia Grai district), believed to be involved in the case to investigate traffic violations. sexual intercourse with minors.
Through the above incidents, we easily realize: most victims cannot or do not know how to protect themselves. The most obvious manifestation is not defining (dangerous) limits with strangers, easily agreeing and compromising with other people’s suggestions, regardless of whether they are strangers, new acquaintances or in a romantic relationship. The consequences from the analyzed incidents and many similar stories involving minors are something no one wants and the main reason comes from educating on self-defense, defense, and protection skills. Both the family and the school are not yet effective and synchronous.
Some reasons can be listed as follows:
1. Inconsistent educational coordination
The situation of parents running through yellow and red lights while traveling on the road is common in front of the witnesses and reactions of their children; While from preschool level, every child knows traffic light signals by heart. Or like the school teaches children to “respect the superior, yield to the inferior”, but when the family is quarrelsome, chaotic or in daily communication, it is rarely followed.
From then on, teaching children not to accept gifts, not to follow strangers, not to go to dangerous places, not to trust and compromise with bad things… becomes ineffective or counterproductive. Saying and doing do not go hand in hand, schools and families do not coordinate education, causing children to “go crazy” when responding to danger.
2. Education through speakers
Skills cannot be formed in day one or two. Children need to be carefully explained about the purpose, role, usefulness and how to do it regularly and continuously so that the behavior becomes a habit. Only then will children be flexible and skillful enough to handle problems effectively. But perhaps this in the family, even in life skills lectures at school, still shows limitations, because of time conditions and the expertise of the classroom teacher. Some skills are taught like “riding a horse to see flowers”, while at home parents are too busy to have time to “be busy with their children” learning skills.
3. Subjective psychology, lack of precautions
Many parents are subjective that “it probably only happens to other people and not to their child”, causing the consequences to be often more serious than usual. In addition, it is because they are not careful and do not anticipate these situations. Bad situations can happen such as kidnapping, robbery, fire, natural disasters, epidemics, animal/insect attacks, sexual abuse/abuse… so parents don’t take the time to talk. , educate your children, even entrust it to the school…
Children also trust the “predictions” or “teachings” of parents/adults, so they relax their defenses or subjectivity when studying and practicing skills. It is this mentality of “when the first step is done” that will leave both physical and mental damage and loss in children and those around them.
4. Putting too much emphasis on “teaching words” and overlooking “teaching people”
The bias in the educational balance: knowledge – skills – attitudes has existed for a long time. The tendency to look down on “becoming a person” more than “success” makes us focus on teaching literacy, teaching knowledge, teaching calculation, teaching writing rather than teaching children life skills, life attitudes… creating children with good qualities. Good knowledge, good theory but limited practice, “hundreds of skills” but “unfamiliar with hands”.
Therefore, when incidents occur in learning, life and surrounding relationships, children will have difficulty distinguishing right – wrong, good – bad in order to behave effectively.
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| Photo for illustration purposes only – Jcomp |
5. Ignore warnings
In fact, schools, newspapers – media and recommendations of experts and authorities are constantly updated, widely published, complete and in-depth about necessary life skills, but Many people ignored it, refused to accept it, or lacked interest in learning. Meanwhile, this knowledge and skills can be an important lifesaver in times of dangerous situations.
6. Knowing mistakes but not correcting them
Adults themselves know that they are wrong by not being an example for their children but are afraid to admit it, afraid to study, practice and change. This unintentionally sets the ladder for children to climb – children can use the words, opinions, and lifestyle of their parents and adults to justify themselves when studying and practicing skills. Not to mention, many parents lack methods and skills to educate their children but still continue to fumble in the dark, afraid of “showing people their backs”, afraid of others knowing they are weak, lacking skills… so they solve it themselves. problem, self-teaching children with a primitive, limited understanding, causing mistakes to pile up, while the social context is very different from before, security issues are not always stable, children’s behavior is not always stable. Slander is becoming more and more sophisticated.
Recognizing the above reasons also plays an important part in educating children to know how to protect themselves, and educating a child always starts when they are young – the age when many parents “skip” their that “Children don’t know anything to teach”.
Master of Psychology Le Minh Huan
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