One day you see the tree you just planted sprouting a bud, the other day you see that tree sprouting a flower bud… you think they are like special smiles given to you.
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| Photo: Ngoc Hanh |
One day, you wanted to plant a pot of pennywort in the corner of your tiny balcony. You go online to buy seedlings. If you have seedlings, you also have to prepare the land. The place is small, if you want to plant trees, you have to clean it up. Carrying the dishes all afternoon. When you stand up, the day is over, your back hurts so much that you have to bend over for a while and then laugh at yourself thinking: “Oh, why suddenly bring such pain into your body!”.
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Many times like that, you know, but there’s something fun about “doing” yourself with the trees. One day you see the tree you just planted sprouting a bud, the other day you see that tree sprouting a flower bud… you think of them as special smiles for you. “Thank you flowers for blooming for me” – you whispered and you felt your heart actually ringing, like the way a child laughs happily at something boring.
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Before Tet, your friend with 3 children showed off her newly knitted small and beautiful products with a bright smile: “I practice knitting to reduce thinking and anger…”. Oh, that mother of three children is so busy and busy with work, home, children… how can she sit and slowly knit? You remember the days when you sat down and listened to your friend pour out her heart, telling her colleagues about the loss of energy she encountered at work, the bad luck that was so overwhelming that her salary was lowered.
It’s not over yet, in the house, the child has a runny nose, the child has a sore throat, and even the older teenage child is having changes that she must closely follow…
You love her, you love your friend’s struggle year after year. But you also have to learn from her, no matter how busy you are, you still take care of yourself with some lipstick and wear a bright shirt on the street. And now, knitting helps you learn patience, helps you realize the small happiness of completing something you like, your heart flutters when your daughter happily wears the bags her mother woven to school.
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At the end of the year, you meet your retired colleague, “almost” 60, but she seems much brighter than before. The feeling of a person full of joy and energy makes everyone look at her and find her more beautiful. She said it was because she “knows how to be outgoing” that she runs nearly ten kilometers every morning, without stopping.
Sports help her love life more so she boldly continues to sign up for sketching classes and takes another step forward in dance classes for the elderly. She said thanks to that, she discovered herself, knew what she liked, what she hated, and how to live happily. In the past, she often worried about the far and then the near, from worrying about dying unexpectedly and her children would not know how to live to worrying about working hard to make money, fearing losing her job, so she gathered all the standards to please her. this person, that person…
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| Photo for illustration purposes only – Benzoix |
When preparing to retire, she was almost depressed because she didn’t expect time to pass so quickly and she still wanted to contribute. She feels like she is about to become a useless old woman, without money, without enough care for herself, without any value in the eyes of her children…
But then I realized that it was because I put other people’s thoughts on myself. No one pays attention to you as much as you pay attention to yourself, just like if you accidentally wear the wrong shirt on the street, even if other people see it, they will pass by and forget, only you will carry that shame with you forever. It’s because I can’t escape the eyes and judgments of others. When she decided to turn herself into a “happy retired old lady”, she said her heart lit up, daring to do things she had never done before (like singing in front of a crowd, drinking cans of beer to relieve sadness with her daughter… ) because of fear and shyness.
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As you write this, you remember the word overthinking that your son often uses when you chew over things he doesn’t want to hear. Overthinkers are people who overthink things in reality, make negative judgments, and make matters too important. Hearing your son shout this word, you were startled and turned “inside yourself” to observe the things you had thought, highlighted, made the atmosphere heavy…
And you realize: “Oh, it’s the same you, that when you lose those feelings of excitement, excitement and positivity; When you’re angry about one thing after another, it’s truly… tragic.” So where is all the humor you have now? Where is the mother who always finds joy in small, simple things?
You know you were wrong but you are happy because your son promptly reminded you. Overthinking is now a word for you to learn to control yourself, so you know why you miss out on more meaningful things.
And you are grateful that your heart is still waiting for you to come back to cheer again and again.
Minh Phuc
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