Blurry spaces always exist in married life, it’s just that we are sometimes too delusional or too worried to think we can know everything about the other person.
Ngan once envisioned married life as a home filled with love and happiness for two people who love each other, with no one hiding anything from anyone. The newlywed couple’s apartment is only 50 square meters, but for Ngan it is the whole world – a place where she can display her love and happiness in every small corner.
On the pretty small balcony, Ngan hung flower pots, placed a sofa, a single table and some pretty flower clusters, and also had a fun colorful pillow. The same goes for the kitchen cabinet. The household items she bought were arranged neatly and beautifully. Manh – her husband – once took a few photos of his wife’s kitchen corner and posted them on Facebook. There was a vase of blue hydrangeas on the kitchen table.
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| Photo for illustration purposes – Freepik |
After a few months, she realized: the sofa on the balcony, the couple had only sat on a few times. The longest time, Manh sat there with his wife for more than an hour. The last time, Manh came out after 15 minutes, said it was too hot, too tired, then went into the bedroom to turn on the air conditioner. Ngan sat alone on the balcony and felt really hot. The next month, most of the flower pots fell. When it rained, Ngan had to cover the tables and chairs with several raincoats, but in the end they were still wet. She had to remove the sofa, pillows, carpet and flowers.
Only the iron table remained, Ngan found it more suitable. Now she was sitting there alone while Manh kept the door closed in the room and turned on the air conditioner. Ngan feels lucky. She was thinking about the afternoon meeting at the office. If she told this story to Manh, he would definitely say she was wrong. Ngan knew she was wrong, she wanted to think about her boss’s mercy. Explain to your husband, see if he understands or is guessing, it’s best to think for yourself. Ngan realized she needed her own space.
This is not the first time Ngan has decided not to talk about this or that matter with her husband. It wasn’t that she wanted to hide anything, on the contrary, because she understood her husband’s personality, she knew that even if she told him, she wouldn’t be able to add anything more than what she already knew, which might even make him worry, sometimes even make him worry. causing controversy in the house. It’s not always good to pour your heart out to each other. The things she doesn’t talk about are usually things she can solve herself, and once they’re done, they’re done, without having to bother another person.
Honesty was promoted as a moral value throughout school; In marriage, softened by sincerity and trust without knowing everything. Ngan thinks she is an open book that her husband can flip through each page, some pages have pictures, just look to see; There are pages that only have text, you have to read to understand. All the pages of life’s book are open before the eyes of the husband or wife, but to read and understand everything is not simple. So she didn’t try to force herself.
Opaque spaces always exist in married life. It’s just that we are sometimes too delusional or too worried to think that we can know everything about the other person, demanding that husband and wife not keep anything private. . There are things that are only safe when kept in a hidden corner. Those are just personal feelings, only truly meaningful to one person, there is no reason to force the other person to share them.
There are even situations where keeping some information private can be considered positive. Ngan still remembers the day her parents broke up. In court, they stated their reasons for not being compatible in life. Only the children in the family knew that Ngan’s mother had a child with another man at that time. Ngan’s father advised him not to talk about this outside, he did not know that his youngest daughter had confided all that sadness to her lover, and then her 4-year college love story broke up right before the planned wedding day. got married because of the groom’s family’s ironic hook: “each person’s basket has their own handle”.
Sometimes just because we love each other, people avoid making each other sad. First love is a classic example. It’s hard to share with someone the awkward feeling when holding someone’s hand for the first time, that silly kiss that sometimes you forget in your memory can be a big question mark for someone who only hears about it.
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Each individual’s path to maturity is full of things that others cannot understand even if they try. In that case, keeping them for yourself can be a way to reduce the burden on others, shield them from the wind and dew, and let the sprouts of love grow as peacefully as possible.
The right to privacy is recognized by law, but each person’s privacy is very different, with no clear definition or classification. The same goes for deciding to keep something to yourself in a marital relationship. Every couple is different, there is no one-size-fits-all rule. However, when both are aware of the normality of blurriness in marriage, each person will have a certain respect for the husband or wife’s private space. This can also be seen as necessary patience for each other – patiently waiting until the right time, when the trust and understanding between the two parties is enough to share.
Ngan gradually moved the spaces in the house in her own way. She was satisfied with those changes because she understood that she and her husband both needed freedom. The more we share a small, close space, the more necessary each person’s freedom is, and the more delicately we should be aware of it. She accepted with peace of mind, reminding herself that she was saving many interesting things to explore later.
Hong Loc
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