When parents constantly show off pictures of their love and affection for new people on social networks, this can make their children feel sad and hurt.
Browsing online newspapers in recent days, many people can’t help but be bored by the fact that a businessman and his new wife – an actress – constantly boast about their happiness with romantic, affectionate images and sweet words. It is completely normal for parents to move on after divorce and each person has the right to build new happiness. However, constantly showing off your new happiness can negatively affect your children’s psychology.
I was shocked, because I felt left out
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Every time he returns from a business trip, Mr. Vo MN – born in 1968, in Tan Binh district, Ho Chi Minh City – always carries his son Vo MT on his shoulder, calling him “father’s piece of gold”. However, after he and his wife divorced, every time he visited his children, Mr. N. brought his new wife along. While eating with his child, Mr. N. continuously hugged his wife’s waist, caressed his wife’s cheeks, and fed her food, making his 6-year-old son very uncomfortable.
The next time Mr. N. came to visit, little T. hid in the house, refusing to come out if he saw his new mother. One time, Mr. N. scolded his son for being “uneducated and impudent” when the boy said “I don’t like Aunt S., if you go to visit me, don’t take Aunt S. with you.” Gradually, Mr. N. rarely visited his son and did not provide child support when T. was only 8 years old. Father and son almost only see each other on New Year’s Day and death anniversary at their father’s house.
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| Ms. Lan and her husband Mr. Sang and their two stepchildren |
Even when boy T. became an adult, he still felt uncomfortable when he saw his father fawning over his new wife and stepchild. Mr. N. scolded his son for being petty and selfish for not accepting and being happy with his father’s happiness. He also thinks that his son is now successful (Mr. T. is the deputy director of an information technology company) so he should show off and “scratch”. Mr. T. just remained silent, did not argue, did not explain, but from then on he avoided all gatherings where he could meet his father.
For him, the image of his father gradually faded and died completely when he stopped visiting T. Mr. T. shared: “When I was a child, I felt very sorry for myself and angry with my father. I can’t stand the feeling that I used to be my father’s “piece of gold”, but when I had new happiness, I was left out like that. I used to think that it’s okay if my father doesn’t come to visit me, but if only he didn’t let me witness him cuddling with someone new. I was shocked and hurt for a long time without even my mother knowing. During my childhood and adulthood, I had only my mother, my father was completely absent; So to me, he is like a stranger.”
In 2023, Mr. N. had end-stage liver cancer, was in the Palliative Treatment Department of Cho Ray Hospital and expressed his desire to meet Mr. T. Mr. T. came to visit his father, looking at the majestic and majestic man. The hero in his memory is now like a dry, emaciated skeleton; but: “I really don’t have the painful feelings of blood, but only feel sorry for him, like the other patients in the hospital room. When I visit him, I also want to measure and listen to my feelings. But we really don’t have that father-son connection.”
You are part of new happiness
Everyone has the right to find and build new happiness after divorce. However, for children, this can be a life event. In particular, when parents constantly show off pictures of their love and affection for new people on social networks, this can unintentionally make their children feel sad and hurt. Of course, you can’t force parents – those who have just found happiness – to suppress their joy and not show off. But according to psychology master Nguyen Thi Tam – Director of applied psychological science company Hon Viet, “when remarrying, parents must show off their happiness to be skillful and sophisticated, and children must be a part of their happiness.” that’s new”.
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| Subeo is happy with his new family |
Mr. Nguyen Thanh Sang – owner of Y Tuyen restaurant in Chau Thanh district, An Giang province – was very grateful for his wife’s small but delicate action. On his birthday last year, his wife posted a family photo including husband and wife and baby Nhu Y – 8 years old, her stepson – and baby Tuyen – 13 years old, his stepson – embedded in a heart with the wish: ” Happy 37th birthday, husband. Stay healthy and happy to be a strong pillar for the three of us, Dad.”
Mr. Sang read it over and over again and the words “mother and daughter” made him happy all night, because his wife also considered her husband’s stepdaughter a part of the family. He believes: “My daughter, when she reads the content of Lan’s mother boasting about her happiness, she will be happy and warm, because she is a part of her parents’ life and happiness.”
Mr. Sang and Ms. Lan got married in 2020, after both of them missed a boat trip and both had their own children. When he first got married, he was worried that his daughter, who was about to enter puberty, would not accept her and would feel sorry for her father’s new happiness. However, his wife’s sincerity, affection, and closeness to her daughter quickly erased his worries.
The name of the restaurant “Y Tuyen” was given by his wife – affirming that the couple’s two children are precious and will take care of them together, as she said when they first met. From the love and thoughtfulness of their parents, the two children happily accepted their new parents. The unexpected thing is that they are as close as siblings and each has a new maternal and paternal family.
Ms. Lan said: “During summer vacation or Tet, the two children go to their grandmother’s house (Lan’s parents). My parents and both my maternal and paternal families also love little Tuyen as much as little Y. My husband’s family also loves little Italy like his own grandchild. Therefore, my husband and I can feel secure in earning money to support the children, without worrying about the children lacking love because they are loved by the whole extended family on both sides.”
In the showbiz world, there are two families who often show off their new happiness online: singer Ho Ngoc Ha and her ex-husband, businessman Nguyen Quoc Cuong.
However, every time they see pictures and clips about the new happiness of these two families, most viewers leave wishes of happiness. Even after the divorce, Subeo – the stepchild of the female singer and mountain town tycoon – lives with her father, in Ha Ho’s perfect happiness with Kim Ly and the adorable twins, there is always Subeo.
The boy is still regularly present in pictures as well as articles about family outings and activities with his mother, two younger siblings and stepfather. On the contrary, businessman Quoc Cuong is also very happy with his new wife and children. Subeo is always a part of that happiness. The audience really liked the pictures of Subeo playing with his sister or the family pictures taken humorously in a gutter style from high to low, with Subeo and his stepmother Thu Trang standing next to each other, then Cuong’s father and his two younger siblings.
Subeo is a child whose parents broke up, but he is still living in the full love of his two families.
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According to psychology master Nguyen Thi Tam, when parents move on, the child can: Feeling abandoned: When parents devote a lot of time and attention to their new partner, children may feel abandoned and unloved. Jealousy: Children may be jealous of their parent’s new partner because they feel that person is taking their place in their parent’s heart. Worry about the future: Children may worry that their parents will no longer love them like before and worry about the future of their new family. Therefore, parents should be delicate in their actions: On social networks: Instead of ostentatiously showing off their new happiness, many parents choose to share the simple, warm moments of their new family, including their children. Happy, connected images of children with their parents and new people will show harmony and happiness in the family. Mentioning children: In stories or sharing about new happiness, parents can tactfully mention their children, showing care and love for them. This will help your child feel that he or she is still an important part of your life. Connect children with new people: Parents should create conditions for children and new people to have the opportunity to meet, interact and understand each other better. Parents can also organize joint activities to bond with new family members. How to reconcile new happiness with your child: Respect children’s feelings: Parents need to respect their children’s feelings of sadness, jealousy or anxiety. Let your children know that you still love them and that they are still an important part of your lives. Spend time with children: Parents need to spend quality time with their children, participating in entertainment activities with them or talking about issues they care about. Create conditions for children and new partners to meet: Parents should create conditions for children and new partners to have the opportunity to meet and understand each other better. Let your child know that your parents want you and your new partner to get along and build a happy family together. |
Thuy Duong
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